So here we are in June, and because of the Covid 19 situation every painting and music event I would have been involved in has been cancelled through September (for now-who knows what will happen?)
There have been a billion posts and memes from people and organizations on social media about what everyone is doing and how they are coping with it all. If you are reading this-just your luck-this post is another one!
So…I have done some painting. You can see all my new work on my website or on Facebook. I played the cello once. Lately I have been doing a lot of work in our yard. It’s like a garden of delights now. Well, almost. Give me the rest of the week. What I have also been doing is answering questions on Quora. Quora is this strangely addictive site in which one can post or answer a question. I’m not sure from whence it comes, but it gets posts from people all over the world. It’s also one of those creepy places that tracks you-if you answer one question about a subject, say painting, it will put more questions and posts on that subject in your “feed”. It’s really all pretty harmless but as I said, rather addictive. Why am I wasting your time with this description you ask? What is he babbling on about this weird website for? Well the reason for this ramble is that I am going to show you some Quora questions and my answers to said questions. As you will see, the questions can elicit a WTF reaction, but then again so will my answers. Without further ado, here we go:
Q: Can car wax be used to make rain art?
A: Absolutely! In fact, if you study art history you will find out that many of the old masters used this medium. Take Vermeer for instance. Renowned for his jewel like realism, if you look closely at one of his most famous paintings “Girl With a Pearl Earring” you will see that the pearl was painted using car wax! Many people don’t know that car wax was invented and formulated 400 years before the invention of the automobile. It was only after customers complained about the flat finish on Model T’s that it was discovered that the artist’s medium called “car wax” was suitable for use on cars! Who’da thunk?
Get the idea? A perfectly logical and sensible question is asked, and I use my infinite knowledge to answer it! Here, I’ll show you some more:
Q: How do you date an oil painting?
A: Well I want to say ask it’s parents for permission, but many oil paintings don’t live with their parents so that would be difficult. You could simply walk up to the painting and ask it out, but if it’s in a museum that would also be very problematic. The museum staff would probably think you were stealing it. Your best bet then is to find an oil painting that is still in the hands of the artist. The artist would most likely be flattered that you found his painting attractive enough to ask out. Try it and see. Let us all know how it works out!
Q: How big should I make my paintings if I want them in galleries?
A: Not ever bigger than the door.
Q: Would it look weird to have every room in the house painted the same shade?
A: Hey, I’m the guy to answer this beauty! Of course it would not look weird! Why, my luxurious home has every room painted in the same color and we love it! My spouse Gladys Irene, when we became wed, insisted we only purchase a domicile in which every room could be painted in the same tone. Why you ask? I shall tell you, now. My dear Gladys Irene, you see, has a fetish for a certain pigment. She can not function with any degree of acuity unless surrounded by this hue. This is actually a form of agoraphobia, as without the promise that her destination will be painted in said shade, she cannot leave home. What is this wondrous tint? A very rare pigmentation with the name “Shasta Hue Intervening Tone”. It can only be manufactured by using material gathered from certain breeds of dog. The first time I met Gladys Irene, in her walk-up studio apartment it was painted entirely with S.H.I.T. I fell in love! It was only after 12 years that I finally developed similar feelings for Gladys Irene, whereupon we promptly wed.
Q: Does it matter if an artist uses their own name or an alias?
A: Shh…don’t tell anyone. I’m a professional artist and my “name” is Tom Smith. It’s not my real name however. I picked Tom Smith because I figured it was so unusual and uncommon that no one else would have it, and, that it would stick out from the crowd. My real name (and please don’t give this away) is Sigurd Brehoovie-Hapfeltdelebiesterstadt. Since that’s such a common name from where I come from I wanted to distinguish myself from all the other Brehoovie-Hapfeltdelebiesterstadts. I am sure you can understand this. So, hopefully you have divined my answer to your question: no, it does not matter if an artist uses an alias. Sometimes, as in my case, it is quite necessary to do so in order to be noticed and therefore advance one’s career.